PHILADELPHIA (Bottom of the Fourth) - For years, Baseball Reference has been the go-to source for reams of historical and present-day baseball data. The website boasts an impressive array of statistics from the game's beginnings to the current day on an easily-navigable platform, in the process earning the "indispensable" title from fans and industry types alike.
But BBRef, as it is colloquially known, isn't happy with this description.
"Why shouldn't we be dispensable?" That's Sean Forman, a former math professor and the founder of Baseball Reference. "Nobody can tell me what the site can and can't be, and I'm sick of people giving it labels that imply some sort of failing."
Just a few hours after speaking with the media, Forman released a post on BBRef's blog stating plans to launch a vending machine version of the site. "We're on the internet, tablets and mobile, who says we can't go further?" fumed Forman, "we're gonna have a dispensable version in every vending machine in America by the end of the week. Just you fucking watch."
Little detail was provided regarding the nature of this version, whether it's on a small device, an enormous paper volume or something else entirely. It was also unclear what the purpose of such an implementation would be, given that BBRef is available from most-anywhere.
Regardless, Forman went on to outline plans for other versions of the enormous data store, including a Tagalog translation, a Stay-At-Home-Mom Edition and BBRef "Red" and "Blue", each of which will only contain statistics for certain players, necessitating swaps between owners to collect the complete data set.
Media analyst Lord Byron dismissed the idea as "just another one of Forman's crazy crusades", akin to the "Angels in the Outfield Fiasco". But while the site's founder's hot-headedness leads to the occasional financial setback, Byron says the core service of BBRef is strong enough to soldier on nearly unaffected.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Diamondbacks Fan Left Hungry After Announcers Use Every Ingredient of Tacos in Broadcast
PHOENIX (Bottom of the Fourth) - A local man is apparently suing the Arizona Diamondbacks after a segment of Tuesday night's game's play-by-play left him "irreparably hungry".
Bernie Taylor, an accountant from downtown Phoenix, says that a portion of the game's broadcast included "every taco ingredient" in the span of less than two minutes. Taylor was at work at the time, listening to the radio broadcast, and didn't have immediate access to taco ingredients.
The offending segment occurred in the bottom of the fourth inning and a transcript has been obtained by Bottom of the Fourth.
Bernie Taylor's lawyers claim his medical insurance doesn't cover cases of extreme hunger and that it's dangerous and criminal for the Diamondbacks to induce this ailment. They're seeking a $200,000 settlement.
Taylor himself, however, speaking to the media against his lawyers' wishes, says he would be happy with a Cheesy Gordita Crunch from Taco Bell.
Bernie Taylor, an accountant from downtown Phoenix, says that a portion of the game's broadcast included "every taco ingredient" in the span of less than two minutes. Taylor was at work at the time, listening to the radio broadcast, and didn't have immediate access to taco ingredients.
The offending segment occurred in the bottom of the fourth inning and a transcript has been obtained by Bottom of the Fourth.
"High cheese to Alvarez... and he launches one, high and deep, that's into the left-field bleachers! Holy guacamole, the Diamondbacks are just getting shelled tonight by the Pirates."
"Now Cedeno steps in, and oh boy, he just got beaned, this could get ugly. He took a pitch right in the ribs."
"I'd say that was more in his back, Greg."
"Eh, tomato tomah-to. Wherever he got hit, Cedeno's got a legitimate beef with Hudson."
"And lettuce be clear: the Diamondbacks can't afford for their ace to get suspended this close to the playoffs."Though nothing materialized between (pitcher Daniel) Hudson and (shortstop Ronny) Cedeno, it appeared that a fight might break out from the broadcast's description of Cedeno as "red as a thick, chunky salsa". Hudson, on the other hand, wanted no part of it, described by the announcers as "pale as non-fat sour cream".
Bernie Taylor's lawyers claim his medical insurance doesn't cover cases of extreme hunger and that it's dangerous and criminal for the Diamondbacks to induce this ailment. They're seeking a $200,000 settlement.
Taylor himself, however, speaking to the media against his lawyers' wishes, says he would be happy with a Cheesy Gordita Crunch from Taco Bell.
Friday, September 2, 2011
Professor Sam Fuld Explains WAR
TAMPA BAY (Bottom of the Fourth) - It's time again for a visit from Bottom of the Fourth's resident statistician, Professor Sam Fuld. Dr. Fuld first graced us with his presence when he explained sample-size issues in an earlier article. Today he'll be delving into WAR, one of the most widely-used statistics on the sabermetric landscape today. Take it away, professor!
Greetings, statheads and statheadettes! I'm very pleased to be here to explain the fascinating statistic WAR. It's confusing, I know. Don't worry. I went to Stanford. Let's dive in.
WAR is a stat that measures the overall "goodity" of a player, in the same way that how many friends you have on Facebook measures your "coolity".
WAR for a position player has three components: batting, base-running and fielding. If a player is "good" at batting, they receive 1 point for batting. If they are "not good" or even "bad" at fielding, they receive 0 points for batting. The same system is used for both base-running and fielding. Thus the maximum score is 3 points for a player who is "good" at batting, base-running and fielding. The other possible scores are 2, 1, and 0.
For example, Ryan Roberts of the Diamondbacks is one of the top players by WAR, because he is "good" at all three categories. He is one of the few 3-WAR players. Albert Pujols is an example of a 2-WAR player because he is "good" at batting and fielding, Ryan Howard is a 1-WAR player (batting) and Vladimir Guerrero is a 0-WAR player (bad at all three).
WAR is a useful statistic because it separates the "very good" players, the "good", the "bad" and the "very bad". That's as separated as it gets, though. As previously mentioned, there are only four groups (3, 2, 1 and 0). To rank players more precisely would require more computing power than is currently possible. However, we here at Fuld Labs are working on the problem and expect a solution within the next 10-20 years.
Bottom of the Fourth would like to thank Dr. Fuld for his detailed and enlightening explanation of WAR.
Greetings, statheads and statheadettes! I'm very pleased to be here to explain the fascinating statistic WAR. It's confusing, I know. Don't worry. I went to Stanford. Let's dive in.
WAR is a stat that measures the overall "goodity" of a player, in the same way that how many friends you have on Facebook measures your "coolity".
WAR for a position player has three components: batting, base-running and fielding. If a player is "good" at batting, they receive 1 point for batting. If they are "not good" or even "bad" at fielding, they receive 0 points for batting. The same system is used for both base-running and fielding. Thus the maximum score is 3 points for a player who is "good" at batting, base-running and fielding. The other possible scores are 2, 1, and 0.
For example, Ryan Roberts of the Diamondbacks is one of the top players by WAR, because he is "good" at all three categories. He is one of the few 3-WAR players. Albert Pujols is an example of a 2-WAR player because he is "good" at batting and fielding, Ryan Howard is a 1-WAR player (batting) and Vladimir Guerrero is a 0-WAR player (bad at all three).
WAR is a useful statistic because it separates the "very good" players, the "good", the "bad" and the "very bad". That's as separated as it gets, though. As previously mentioned, there are only four groups (3, 2, 1 and 0). To rank players more precisely would require more computing power than is currently possible. However, we here at Fuld Labs are working on the problem and expect a solution within the next 10-20 years.
Bottom of the Fourth would like to thank Dr. Fuld for his detailed and enlightening explanation of WAR.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Berkman Launches Campaign For Rookie of the Year
ST. LOUIS (Bottom of the Fourth) - With baseball entering the final month of its regular season, analysts have begun to talk about who will be taking home the annual end of season awards. A trio of Braves, Craig Kimbrel, Brandon Beachy and Freddie Freeman, are currently leading the charge for NL Rookie of the Year, but on Thursday a new candidate threw his hat into the ring: St. Louis Cardinals left-fielder Lance Berkman.
Berkman's candidacy for the prestigious award seems to be based on a loose definition of the term 'rookie', as the Cardinal has been in the big leagues since 1999. He explained the legitimacy of his campaign by likening it to a "5th year senior coming back for a victory lap".
Berkman says he plans to use tried and tested campaign strategies to earn the votes of the electorate, such as bright-coloured posters, "fun" fonts such as Comic Sans, and hosting cool parties that everyone gets to come to.
In addition, the veteran has written an entire campaign platform and posted it on his website. The manifesto is a "twist" on the 10 Commandments, which Berkman calls "My 10 Promises", a selection of which is shown below.
Berkman's candidacy for the prestigious award seems to be based on a loose definition of the term 'rookie', as the Cardinal has been in the big leagues since 1999. He explained the legitimacy of his campaign by likening it to a "5th year senior coming back for a victory lap".
Berkman says he plans to use tried and tested campaign strategies to earn the votes of the electorate, such as bright-coloured posters, "fun" fonts such as Comic Sans, and hosting cool parties that everyone gets to come to.
In addition, the veteran has written an entire campaign platform and posted it on his website. The manifesto is a "twist" on the 10 Commandments, which Berkman calls "My 10 Promises", a selection of which is shown below.
3. I promise there will be no discrimination and everyone will always have their say.
6. I promise minutes from next year's Rookie of the Year selection meetings will be posted at our website geocities.org/berktherook.
9. I promise many new MLBPA events such as coffeehouse and Bronson Arroyo can play there with his band.Berkman finished by telling reporters that winning Rookie of the Year would be a "dream come true" and has been all that's kept him playing these many years. "I saw the movie Rookie of the Year when I was 17, and it affected me so deeply, I knew it was my destiny."
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Bautista's BP Session Leaves Royals Literally Quaking in their Boots
TORONTO (Bottom of the Fourth) - The internet was abuzz when an earthquake hit North America's east coast Tuesday afternoon. It was soon revealed that the tremor was the first ever recorded earthquake to be caused by the batting practice session of a Major League Baseball player.
José Bautista, star slugger of the Toronto Blue Jays, was taking batting practice when he crushed a 70-MPH fastball with such force that it caused most of the Eastern Seaboard to shake violently.
According to an unnamed member of the press, some members Kansas City Royals were on the field stretching and were left literally "quaking in their boots" upon witness Bautista's astonishing power. Bottom of the Fourth is working on several leads to ascertain exactly why the Royals were wearing boots.
Sources say the earthquake, which was felt from Virginia to Chicago to Toronto, caused "extensive tweeting" and "mass exclamation".
Blue Jays General Manager Alex Anthopoulos has called a press conference for 3:30 this afternoon to apologize for the quake. He is also expected to announce the signing of Kate Winslet to be the team's new Director of Grandma Affairs.
José Bautista, star slugger of the Toronto Blue Jays, was taking batting practice when he crushed a 70-MPH fastball with such force that it caused most of the Eastern Seaboard to shake violently.
According to an unnamed member of the press, some members Kansas City Royals were on the field stretching and were left literally "quaking in their boots" upon witness Bautista's astonishing power. Bottom of the Fourth is working on several leads to ascertain exactly why the Royals were wearing boots.
Sources say the earthquake, which was felt from Virginia to Chicago to Toronto, caused "extensive tweeting" and "mass exclamation".
Blue Jays General Manager Alex Anthopoulos has called a press conference for 3:30 this afternoon to apologize for the quake. He is also expected to announce the signing of Kate Winslet to be the team's new Director of Grandma Affairs.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
S&P Downgrades National League to AAA
NEW YORK (Bottom of the Fourth) - Just days after downgrading the United States to AA+, Standard and Poor's has announced another major downgrade, bumping Major League Baseball's National League down from "Major Leagues" to "AAA".
S&P analyst John Keats said the move has been a long time coming, but the agency garnered the courage to go through with it after their controversial downgrade of the USA.
"It's been clear for at least 15 years that the National League fucking sucks," said Keats in a statement Wednesday morning, "'I dunno how it's taken us this long to officially acknowledge that fact."
Technical details of the demotion followed in a report released by S&P. National League clubs will be evenly distributed between the International and Pacific Coast leagues, the two current AAA leagues. This will mean that some clubs will even play regularly against their own AAA affiliate.
Additionally, NL clubs will no longer be eligible for the World Series. MLB has acted swiftly to implement a new playoff structure, and commissioner Bud Selig announced the changes this morning. "The World Series will still be a best-of-seven series, and it will be between the Yankees and Red Sox." The commissioner went on to explain that "that's what would have happened anyway, duh".
NL clubs have banded together to file a protest, claiming that S&P has no authority to make such a decision. However, their protest is unlikely to gain traction, as a little-known amendment to the U.S. Constitution states that "Standard and Poor's shall carry jurisdiction over any ratings denoted by the letters 'A', 'B' or 'C', possibly including symbols up to and including '-' and/or '+'.
Reaction to the news has been swift and diverse, and has come from sources as varied as satirical newspaper The Onion. Jeff Harris, Public Relations Director, had this to say at a press conference: "I would just like to say, on behalf of all employees of The Onion, that this joke is super obvious. Twenty-nine different Onion writers thought of it independently, so obviously we didn't publish it. Too easy."
Bottom of the Fourth author Xave responded to the criticism on his blog, claiming that "HEY THE ONION, YOU'RE DOWNGRADED!!! I DOWNGRADE YOU!!!! YOU'RE A TRIPLE C NOW, HOW BOUT THAT HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAHAHHH"
S&P analyst John Keats said the move has been a long time coming, but the agency garnered the courage to go through with it after their controversial downgrade of the USA.
"It's been clear for at least 15 years that the National League fucking sucks," said Keats in a statement Wednesday morning, "'I dunno how it's taken us this long to officially acknowledge that fact."
Technical details of the demotion followed in a report released by S&P. National League clubs will be evenly distributed between the International and Pacific Coast leagues, the two current AAA leagues. This will mean that some clubs will even play regularly against their own AAA affiliate.
Additionally, NL clubs will no longer be eligible for the World Series. MLB has acted swiftly to implement a new playoff structure, and commissioner Bud Selig announced the changes this morning. "The World Series will still be a best-of-seven series, and it will be between the Yankees and Red Sox." The commissioner went on to explain that "that's what would have happened anyway, duh".
NL clubs have banded together to file a protest, claiming that S&P has no authority to make such a decision. However, their protest is unlikely to gain traction, as a little-known amendment to the U.S. Constitution states that "Standard and Poor's shall carry jurisdiction over any ratings denoted by the letters 'A', 'B' or 'C', possibly including symbols up to and including '-' and/or '+'.
Reaction to the news has been swift and diverse, and has come from sources as varied as satirical newspaper The Onion. Jeff Harris, Public Relations Director, had this to say at a press conference: "I would just like to say, on behalf of all employees of The Onion, that this joke is super obvious. Twenty-nine different Onion writers thought of it independently, so obviously we didn't publish it. Too easy."
Bottom of the Fourth author Xave responded to the criticism on his blog, claiming that "HEY THE ONION, YOU'RE DOWNGRADED!!! I DOWNGRADE YOU!!!! YOU'RE A TRIPLE C NOW, HOW BOUT THAT HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAHAHHH"
Monday, August 8, 2011
Blue Jays Sign 12-Week-Old Fetus
TORONTO (Bottom of the Fourth) - The Blue Jays under Alex Anthopoulos and John Farrell have made a point of trying to get "younger" and "more athletic" this season. A move announced by the club Monday morning will ensure they continue to move in the "younger" direction, at least. In a press conference, the club announced the first ever MLB signing of an unborn player, a 12-week-old unnamed fetus.
'Fete Rose', as the new signee is being called by fans and media, is said to have exceptional fast-twitch muscles for a fetus. Additionally, his growth pattern portends above-average plate discipline, according to the Blue Jays' prenatal scouting department.
Though many parties have been surprised by this announcement, none have been more so than the fetus' mother Emily Dickinson. "I didn't sign any contract," Dickinson commented to the media during a hypno-birthing class, "and I plan on fighting this thing. My lawyer says there's legal precedent for sports teams not being allowed to sign an unborn baby without the mother's consent."
Blue Jays lawyers are aware of this precedent, and plan on contesting this claim based on the fact that the fetus is young enough to not yet be considered a human being.
According to a source within the Blue Jays' organization, the club had fetal operatives working over the last several weeks to get this deal done without other teams, or the mother, finding out their intentions. Most of their work involved preparing the womb for the embryo to enter the fetal stage, creating welcoming conditions that would be conducive to making a long-term commitment to the organization.
"We had the place decked out in Blue Jays memorabilia, we had the 92-93 DVD playing non-stop, we had a gourmet buffet available 24/7, there was no way he could resist," commented tiny scout Alan Dempsey.
Alex Anthopoulos says this was a feat of scouting the likes of which has never been seen before, and that the club needs to keep going in new, unexplored directions if it hopes to compete with the Yankees and Red Sox. Though he was characteristically mum on the club's future plans, he did finish the press conference by dropping a tantalizing hint: "I still think we can go younger."
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