Bases empty, two outs, a 3-1 game, #8 hitter up. Nothing comes down to this.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Berkman Launches Campaign For Rookie of the Year

ST. LOUIS (Bottom of the Fourth) - With baseball entering the final month of its regular season, analysts have begun to talk about who will be taking home the annual end of season awards. A trio of Braves, Craig Kimbrel, Brandon Beachy and Freddie Freeman, are currently leading the charge for NL Rookie of the Year, but on Thursday a new candidate threw his hat into the ring: St. Louis Cardinals left-fielder Lance Berkman.

Berkman's candidacy for the prestigious award seems to be based on a loose definition of the term 'rookie', as the Cardinal has been in the big leagues since 1999. He explained the legitimacy of his campaign by likening it to a "5th year senior coming back for a victory lap".

Berkman says he plans to use tried and tested campaign strategies to earn the votes of the electorate, such as bright-coloured posters, "fun" fonts such as Comic Sans, and hosting cool parties that everyone gets to come to.

In addition, the veteran has written an entire campaign platform and posted it on his website. The manifesto is a "twist" on the 10 Commandments, which Berkman calls "My 10 Promises", a selection of which is shown below.
3. I promise there will be no discrimination and everyone will always have their say. 
6. I promise minutes from next year's Rookie of the Year selection meetings will be posted at our website geocities.org/berktherook.
9. I promise many new MLBPA events such as coffeehouse and Bronson Arroyo can play there with his band. 
Berkman finished by telling reporters that winning Rookie of the Year would be a "dream come true" and has been all that's kept him playing these many years. "I saw the movie Rookie of the Year when I was 17, and it affected me so deeply, I knew it was my destiny."

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