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Bases empty, two outs, a 3-1 game, #8 hitter up. Nothing comes down to this.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Stat Nerd Moves Out of Mom's Basement, Is Blinded By Sun, Immediately Moves Back

KANSAS CITY (Bottom of the Fourth) - In breaking news, it was reported early Wednesday afternoon that a baseball blogger and self-proclaimed stat nerd had moved out of his mom's basement. The blogger, whose identity is as of yet unconfirmed, had apparently been planning the move for "years" and had saved up several hundred dollars in PartyPoker credit to help him make the move financially feasible.

Unfortunately, the blogger, described as "a little on the pale side" by his mother, was unprepared for the great outdoors, and was badly sunburned on the way to the driveway. He is currently being treated for second degree burns at a local hospital, and is still slowly recovering his vision. The Weather Network reported Kansas City's early afternoon weather as "cloudy with scattered showers".

Susan Bishop, the blogger's mother, said that her son will be temporarily putting off his move to focus on recovering and "getting his stat nerd start-up of the ground". The nature of the start-up is unknown, but is believed to be based on stats, nerds, or some combination thereof.

Sports writer and one-time winner of the J.G. Spink Award Murray Chass offered his take on the story on his blog. "My heart breaks for the poor kid. But, you know, he didn't really think things through. Apparently he tried to move into an apartment, when it's a well-established fact that the shadow beneath a bridge is the only place suitable for trolls."

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