Bases empty, two outs, a 3-1 game, #8 hitter up. Nothing comes down to this.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Dayton Moore "Distraught" Without Betancourt

KANSAS CITY (Bottom of the Fourth) - A successful general manager is supposed to keep his head away from his heart lest the latter affect the ability of the former. Unfortunately, it seems Dayton Moore's head failed to adequately assess the impact of a broken heart this winter when he included Yuniesky Betancourt in a trade to the Milwaukee Brewers. Club officials have described him as "miserable" and "disconsolate".

Moore has allegedly been missing meetings on a regular basis, and is usually found slumped over at his desk fast asleep. Kila Ka'aihue, the club's first baseman, thinks he has an explanation for this erratic behaviour.

"I see him every night, wandering the corridors of Kauffman Stadium until four, five AM. He looks forlorn. Abject, even. And he's always softly singing the same sweet song, his own version of the Beatles' Michelle:

Sweet pea,
Two hundred ninety five O-B-P,
My Yuni"

Asked what he himself is doing at the stadium at all hours of the night, Ka'aihue responded candidly: "oh, I work the janitor night shift. I mean the guys deserve clean toilets, right?"

A source in the Royals' front office speculated on the nature of Moore's affection for Betancourt. "I don't think Dayton is in love with Yuni exactly. He's got a loving wife and family, and he's fully committed to them. No, I think he's in love with the idea of Yuni. The refusal to walk, the inability to run the bases effectively, the awful defense... he's everything Dayton looks for in a player."

Eventually, the source said, tensions boiled over in the front office. When a student intern was forced to take a call from Brian Cashman about a possible Jesus Montero-Mike Moustakas deal, Moore's staff forced him to face the issue by calling a public press conference.

A clearly emotional Moore sat down, shuffled his papers, and began speaking. "I've called this press conference with the intention of..." Moore trailed off, seeming unsure of how to proceed. He stopped, crumpled up his notes, took a deep breath, and started over. "Look, I'm just gonna be honest with you guys. I just... really... miss Yuni." His voice cracking, the Royals' GM paused to collect himself.

Moore fighting back the tears at his press conference
"But this isn't how a GM should act," he continued resolutely. "I can't even count the number of times I was the shoulder for John Schuerholz to cry on," he explained, referring to his days in the Atlanta Braves' organization, "and I vowed to never be like that. Even though the guy was a great GM, he was an emotional wreck. He ate a whole tub of Cherry Garcia every time he traded away a LOOGY, for god's sake."

Betancourt, for his part seems completely unaware of the situation. He responded to repeated questions about it simply with the word "como?"

Though Moore is putting on a brave face (no pun intended), it's clear he's still hurting inside. Thankfully, the Royals have gotten off to a surprisingly hot start, and it shouldn't be too long before their general manager is right as rain.

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