Bases empty, two outs, a 3-1 game, #8 hitter up. Nothing comes down to this.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

José Bautista, Mistaken for CN Tower, Gets Climbed All Over By Kid

TORONTO (Bottom of the Fourth) - Since a mechanical adjustment turned him into one of the best hitters in the game in September of 2009, the legend of José Bautista has only grown. Last season he became the first Blue Jay to hit 50 home runs and the first person ever to hit a ball out of the Rogers Centre.

While these accomplishments may induce many a smitten beat reporter to describe José as a "giant among men", it wasn't until this past weekend that Bautista was mistaken for an actual giant.

Reportedly, while walking near his home in downtown Toronto, Bautista was assailed by a small boy yelling "mommy, look, the CN Tower! I'm climbing it!!" The boy latched onto Bautista's leg and attempted to shimmy up, reaching his knee before aborting his attempt.

Dr. Andrew Wakefield says this is a common mistake among youngsters. "Children under the age of four haven't yet developed the pheromone that helps us distinguish between actual size and hyperbolic literary descriptions as put forth by the media. For example, when two-year-olds read in the morning paper over a cup of coffee that José Bautista is a 'beast', they cannot comprehend that this doesn't refer to a literal beast."

Upon being asked about the incident in question, Wakefield hypothesized that Bautista's home runs had recently been described as "towering" in a local paper, leading to the boy's confusion.

No comments:

Post a Comment