ARLINGTON, VA (Bottom of the Fourth) - In recent years, the baseball website FanGraphs has become a destination for cutting-edge baseball statistics and analysis. So cutting-edge, it seems based on news released this morning, that it has found the end of baseball statistics.
Founder David Appelman says he came upon the end of baseball stats accidentally while looking for his slide rule. "I checked under the bed, in the fridge, behind all my Bill James posters, but it was nowhere. So I started looking in spreadsheets, and got into some really complex non-linear weight stuff based on ZiPS projections."
Appelman says he didn't find his slide rule there, but soon completely forgot he was even looking for it. "Something caught my eye when I ran an anti-regression model on the fractal matrix of Luke Gregerson's slider", he explained. "I didn't believe it at first, but I've checked it to 99.99999% confidence. It was the end of baseball statistics, there's no doubt about it." Appelman went on to add that there was a restaurant there, and that the food was "above-average".
With the discovery, FanGraphs has decided against attempting to improve on existing statistics, as it believes such an endeavour would be fruitless. Instead, the website believes the only way to move forward is to go back to the beginning. "It's like an old-school video game," commented editor Dave Cameron, "when your dude reaches the edge of the screen, he appears on the opposite edge. We're taking that philosophy and really running with it."
The first implementation of FanGraphs' new methodology has players ranked by games played. Consequently, the title of best player in 2011 is currently a 13-way tie between Torii Hunter, Adrian Beltre, Alex Gonzalez, Michael Young, Miguel Cabrera, Dan Uggla, James Loney, Martin Prado, Howard Kendrick, Matt Kemp, Peter Bourjos, Austin Jackson and Jason Heyward.
But the team of analysts is already furiously working to push the boundaries. Despite attempts to control information flow, an anonymous source has leaked that the next statistic to appear on the site will be called either "ats" or "bats".
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Monday, May 9, 2011
Bourn Falls Single, Double, Triple, Home Run Short of Cycle
HOUSTON (Bottom of the Fourth) - In a week in which two no-hitters were thrown, history was almost made a third time on Sunday night when Michael Bourn of the Houston Astros came within a single, double, triple and home run of a cycle.
Hitting for the cycle is almost as rare as throwing a no-hitter, having happened just under 300 times in major league history. Bourn was just four different hits away from becoming the seventh Astro to accomplish the feat.
After his first at bat, Bourn said he knew he had a chance. "I almost got the hardest part out of the way first. If (Pittsburgh Pirates center fielder Andrew) McCutchen hadn't run that ball down in the gap, it could have gone for a triple."
In his next two at bats, Bourn said, he hit balls that could have been a single and a double, respectively, had there been no fielders standing where they were (in their usual places). And that was a distinct possibility, according to Neil Walker, Pittsburgh's second baseman. "It never crossed my mind to stand anywhere other than where I always stand, between first and second base. What are you talking about?" commented Walker.
Finally, in the ninth inning with his team down by one, the light-hitting speedster came within a foot of tying the game with a home run. "It was so close," he recalled, "if that pitch was just 12 inches lower I would have crushed it."
And that would sealed the deal. Provided, of course, that the other three caveats already mentioned in this hypothetical scenario had gone Bourn's way.
Hitting for the cycle is almost as rare as throwing a no-hitter, having happened just under 300 times in major league history. Bourn was just four different hits away from becoming the seventh Astro to accomplish the feat.
After his first at bat, Bourn said he knew he had a chance. "I almost got the hardest part out of the way first. If (Pittsburgh Pirates center fielder Andrew) McCutchen hadn't run that ball down in the gap, it could have gone for a triple."
In his next two at bats, Bourn said, he hit balls that could have been a single and a double, respectively, had there been no fielders standing where they were (in their usual places). And that was a distinct possibility, according to Neil Walker, Pittsburgh's second baseman. "It never crossed my mind to stand anywhere other than where I always stand, between first and second base. What are you talking about?" commented Walker.
Finally, in the ninth inning with his team down by one, the light-hitting speedster came within a foot of tying the game with a home run. "It was so close," he recalled, "if that pitch was just 12 inches lower I would have crushed it."
And that would sealed the deal. Provided, of course, that the other three caveats already mentioned in this hypothetical scenario had gone Bourn's way.
Friday, May 6, 2011
Fan Outrage After @Yankees #FFs @RedSox
NEW YORK (Bottom of the Fourth) - When riots broke out in the Middle East this past winter, people took to Twitter to get the most-up-to-date and behind-the-scenes information. Now it seems as if Twitter has had a hand in starting its own sort of riot.
On Friday morning, the New York Yankees' official Twitter account (@Yankees) included its rival Boston Red Sox (@RedSox) in the weekly Follow Friday (#FF) tradition. The move outraged fans, leading some Twitter users to call it everything on the word-not a word spectrum from "treasonous" to "backstabby".
The initial backlash was strong and cutting, and united under the #WorseThan911 hashtag. "so stupid i can't beleive this. its a disgrace to the proud yankees fans red sox are fukin dbags," tweeted @sixpacksandbeer, who started the hashtag.
Others were more composed in their criticism, especially after #WorseThan911 dropped off the trending topics list 17 seconds after the Yankees' initial tweet. "My first thought was to protect my son from such an atrocity," expounded @WBurgSteven over TwitLonger, "but after careful consideration I decided that witnessing and trying to comprehend such an abomination would be a valuable learning experience for Fletcher. It's as much a part of growing up as quinoa baby formula and Starbucks play-dates."
The Red Sox, for their part, were grateful for the inclusion. "Thanks for the shout-out @Yankees! Maybe we'll catch up to your 360k followers now! We're starving over here lol," @RedSox responded. This was followed by "Seriously tho my family is actually starving they won't pay me until we get over 100k", which was in turn succeeded by a short tweet: a single semi-colon, followed by a single front bracket.
In related news, the Red Sox have hired a new Director of Twitter and Twitter-Based Promotions.
On Friday morning, the New York Yankees' official Twitter account (@Yankees) included its rival Boston Red Sox (@RedSox) in the weekly Follow Friday (#FF) tradition. The move outraged fans, leading some Twitter users to call it everything on the word-not a word spectrum from "treasonous" to "backstabby".
 |
| The Yankees tried to sneak the Red Sox between @PhilHughes65 and @Joba_62 |
The initial backlash was strong and cutting, and united under the #WorseThan911 hashtag. "so stupid i can't beleive this. its a disgrace to the proud yankees fans red sox are fukin dbags," tweeted @sixpacksandbeer, who started the hashtag.
Others were more composed in their criticism, especially after #WorseThan911 dropped off the trending topics list 17 seconds after the Yankees' initial tweet. "My first thought was to protect my son from such an atrocity," expounded @WBurgSteven over TwitLonger, "but after careful consideration I decided that witnessing and trying to comprehend such an abomination would be a valuable learning experience for Fletcher. It's as much a part of growing up as quinoa baby formula and Starbucks play-dates."
The Red Sox, for their part, were grateful for the inclusion. "Thanks for the shout-out @Yankees! Maybe we'll catch up to your 360k followers now! We're starving over here lol," @RedSox responded. This was followed by "Seriously tho my family is actually starving they won't pay me until we get over 100k", which was in turn succeeded by a short tweet: a single semi-colon, followed by a single front bracket.
In related news, the Red Sox have hired a new Director of Twitter and Twitter-Based Promotions.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Blackburn, Not To Be Outdone, Throws All-Hitter
MINNESOTA (Bottom of the Fourth) - On Tuesday night, Francisco Liriano made history by throwing a no-hitter. Just one game later, fellow Twin Nick Blackburn one-upped his teammate by throwing the first All-Hitter in major league history.
For the uninitiated, an all-hitter is a complete game thrown by a pitcher in which every plate appearance results in a hit. No walks, no ground-outs, fly-outs, etc. Outs may only be recorded on plays on which a hit is also recorded; i.e. when players are thrown out at the plate, are called out for interference, run outside the base-paths, etc.
Blackburn's line for the evening easily broke the record for most hits allowed in a single game: 9 IP, 45 H, 0 BB, 9 ER, 0 K. While the right-hander may not wish to be remembered for this record, however, right-fielder Delmon Young will surely wear his 10 assists in a single game as a badge of honour.
Fans started picking up on what was happening around the 7th inning, and their hopes for history were almost dashed right then. A slow roller that shortstop Alexi Casilla bobbled was initially ruled an error, but was changed to a hit when the official scorer decided the runner would have made it regardless.
Blackburn was relieved by the decision. "I mean, that could have been the end of the dream right there," he said after the game. "Guys always say they're not thinking about it when they're pitching a game like this, but that's such a lie. I knew exactly what was happening, and my heart sank when Alexi bobbled that ball."
In the end, Blackburn accomplished this rarest of rare feats. His teammates mobbed him after he recorded the final out when opposition base-runners accidentally ran to the same base for the third time in the game. Then they went back to the dug-out to bat one more time, because they were losing 9-2. That would be the final score.
For the uninitiated, an all-hitter is a complete game thrown by a pitcher in which every plate appearance results in a hit. No walks, no ground-outs, fly-outs, etc. Outs may only be recorded on plays on which a hit is also recorded; i.e. when players are thrown out at the plate, are called out for interference, run outside the base-paths, etc.
Blackburn's line for the evening easily broke the record for most hits allowed in a single game: 9 IP, 45 H, 0 BB, 9 ER, 0 K. While the right-hander may not wish to be remembered for this record, however, right-fielder Delmon Young will surely wear his 10 assists in a single game as a badge of honour.
Fans started picking up on what was happening around the 7th inning, and their hopes for history were almost dashed right then. A slow roller that shortstop Alexi Casilla bobbled was initially ruled an error, but was changed to a hit when the official scorer decided the runner would have made it regardless.
Blackburn was relieved by the decision. "I mean, that could have been the end of the dream right there," he said after the game. "Guys always say they're not thinking about it when they're pitching a game like this, but that's such a lie. I knew exactly what was happening, and my heart sank when Alexi bobbled that ball."
In the end, Blackburn accomplished this rarest of rare feats. His teammates mobbed him after he recorded the final out when opposition base-runners accidentally ran to the same base for the third time in the game. Then they went back to the dug-out to bat one more time, because they were losing 9-2. That would be the final score.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
First Month Rich With Stories: Source
TORONTO (Bottom of the Fourth) - A source close to the situation has told Bottom of the Fourth, in an exclusive interview, that the first month of the 2011 baseball season saw "many intriguing story-lines" and that we could be in for an "exciting season".
The source, who wished to remain anonymous, added that while he will be keeping close tabs on April's biggest stories, it's important to remember that May will see the inception of some, if not many, of its own stories.
In fact, in the three days since May began, several stories have already materialized. "Based on what we've already seen, May is looking to be at the least a low story month, but more likely an average story month," commented the source.
Reportedly, some of the stories baseball fans could be in store for in the upcoming weeks include "What Were the Biggest Stories of April?", "Looking Ahead to the Biggest Stories of the Rest of the Season", and "When Do Past Stories And Future Stories Meet? An Analysis of the Present".
April story-analysis already caused some controversy in the print media world when the New York Times and San Francisco Chronicle disagreed on the number of major stories in April. Each publication wrote a story disputing the other's story on stories, but the animosity remains unresolved. The Denver Post, in a peacekeeping effort, has announced plans to publish an impartial story-story story story.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Goalies to Start Using Catcher Masks
I'd like to welcome Vaxe from our sister blog, The Early Parts of the Second Period, who wrote this guest post for Bottom of the Fourth.
TORONTO (The Early Parts of the Second Period) - With the NHL season coming to a close, the league is starting to announce some changes to the game for the 2011-2012 season. First among them is a stipulation that goaltenders must start using baseball-style catcher masks.
Commissioner Gary Bettman explained the decision to reporters on Tuesday morning. "Ever since catchers started using hockey-style masks in baseball, we've been trying to extract money from MLB. Suing for theft of intellectual property, demanding royalties on every use of the mask, requiring NHL ads on each unit, etc. We're so poor."
Unfortunately, Bettman says, his lawyers tell him that the NHL has no rights to the goalie mask, having neither invented nor patented it. Common Sense and Obviousness Consultant Karthik Senthilnathan explained the concept when contacted by Bottom of the Fourth: "having neither invented nor patented the goalie mask, the NHL has no rights over its use."
The sudden decision to use catcher masks in the NHL, therefore, is an act of retribution on the league's part. "See how they like us using their equipment," raged Bettman.
Said Bud Selig, commissioner of Major League Baseball, "What? Who's the NHL? I don't care."
The new masks are expected to aid goalies on pop-up shots on which the goalies need to quickly remove their mask in order to see the puck better. They are also expected to offer much less protection.
TORONTO (The Early Parts of the Second Period) - With the NHL season coming to a close, the league is starting to announce some changes to the game for the 2011-2012 season. First among them is a stipulation that goaltenders must start using baseball-style catcher masks.
Commissioner Gary Bettman explained the decision to reporters on Tuesday morning. "Ever since catchers started using hockey-style masks in baseball, we've been trying to extract money from MLB. Suing for theft of intellectual property, demanding royalties on every use of the mask, requiring NHL ads on each unit, etc. We're so poor."
Unfortunately, Bettman says, his lawyers tell him that the NHL has no rights to the goalie mask, having neither invented nor patented it. Common Sense and Obviousness Consultant Karthik Senthilnathan explained the concept when contacted by Bottom of the Fourth: "having neither invented nor patented the goalie mask, the NHL has no rights over its use."
The sudden decision to use catcher masks in the NHL, therefore, is an act of retribution on the league's part. "See how they like us using their equipment," raged Bettman.
 |
| Goalies across the NHL have called the move "pointless" and "confusing" |
Said Bud Selig, commissioner of Major League Baseball, "What? Who's the NHL? I don't care."
Monday, May 2, 2011
With Dying Breath, Bin Laden Predicts Mets to Win World Series
ABBOTTABAD (Bottom of the Fourth) - Last night, news broke that the U.S. military had conducted an operation that resulted in the killing of Al-Qaeda leader Osama Bin Laden. This afternoon we are receiving transcripts of the terrorist's final communication as he lay dying from gunshot wounds. With his last breath, Bin Laden reportedly whispered, "I think the New York Mets will... (cough) go all the way... and win the World Series."
Just prior, he had voiced his optimism about the team. "Beltran is back and playing well... Ike Davis is a monster... Chris Young has a sub-1 WHIP... and they're getting Santana back mid-season. They were smart to end the Brad Emaus experiment early... (gasp) he's a quad-A player..." It is unclear whether these thoughts were uttered with Bin Laden's second or third-last breath, or some combination thereof. Bottom of the Fourth is looking into several leads on this matter.
The Mets, for their part, were inspired by Bin Laden's prediction, and beat the division-rival Philadelphia Phillies in 14 innings in the weekly Sunday Night Baseball game. Shortstop José Reyes spoke to the media after the game. "I mean, the dude's a lunatic and a mass-murderer, but he obviously has very strong beliefs. If he believes in us, there's no reason we can't believe in ourselves. Sometimes we forget to do that."
Citizens of New York City are unsure how to feel about this confusing turn of events. New York, of course, was the site of the 9/11 terrorist attacks orchestrated by Bin Laden almost ten years ago, and some citizens feel that Bin Laden's last words were in mockery. Others think the terrorist feels a tinge of remorse at slaughtering thousands of innocent civilians, and was offering the city one final olive branch.
It is unclear at this time whether there is a pattern of which groups of people hold which interpretation, though it should be noted that the first group was primarily wearing Yankees hats, while the second was wearing Mets hats. Bottom of the Fourth is still working on establishing a connection between these facts.
Just prior, he had voiced his optimism about the team. "Beltran is back and playing well... Ike Davis is a monster... Chris Young has a sub-1 WHIP... and they're getting Santana back mid-season. They were smart to end the Brad Emaus experiment early... (gasp) he's a quad-A player..." It is unclear whether these thoughts were uttered with Bin Laden's second or third-last breath, or some combination thereof. Bottom of the Fourth is looking into several leads on this matter.
The Mets, for their part, were inspired by Bin Laden's prediction, and beat the division-rival Philadelphia Phillies in 14 innings in the weekly Sunday Night Baseball game. Shortstop José Reyes spoke to the media after the game. "I mean, the dude's a lunatic and a mass-murderer, but he obviously has very strong beliefs. If he believes in us, there's no reason we can't believe in ourselves. Sometimes we forget to do that."
Citizens of New York City are unsure how to feel about this confusing turn of events. New York, of course, was the site of the 9/11 terrorist attacks orchestrated by Bin Laden almost ten years ago, and some citizens feel that Bin Laden's last words were in mockery. Others think the terrorist feels a tinge of remorse at slaughtering thousands of innocent civilians, and was offering the city one final olive branch.
It is unclear at this time whether there is a pattern of which groups of people hold which interpretation, though it should be noted that the first group was primarily wearing Yankees hats, while the second was wearing Mets hats. Bottom of the Fourth is still working on establishing a connection between these facts.
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