NEW YORK (Bottom of the Fourth) - José Reyes is known as a bit of a jokester around the Mets' clubhouse, and sometimes he even makes himself laugh. Until last night, though, he had never amused himself to the point of doubling over laughing during a game.
In the fourth inning, a hard ground ball was hit to Reyes' right, and the Mets' infielder ranged deep into the hole to make a great snag. However, before he could complete the play by throwing to first base, Reyes fell over, clutching his stomach. Mets trainer Ray Ramirez rushed out, only to discover that Reyes was unhurt, and laughing uncontrollably.
After the game, Reyes explained to reporters that he hears the game broadcast as an internal monologue at all times, and when Ben Nicholson-Smith (Reyes' imaginary play-by-play man) uttered the phrase "and Walker fists the ball deep in the hole", the shortstop couldn't contain his mirth.
Reyes added that he had already been loosened up by an earlier play, when a shattered bat prompted Nicholson-Smith to quip: "wow, look out for that renegade wood!"
"Haha, deep in the hole, oh man," Reyes said, chuckling. "Walker fisted the ball... deep... in the...." At this point, Reyes fell into a fit of hysteria, prompting reporters to pack up for the day.
The Mets, for their part, have ordered Reyes to put an immediate halt to his internal monologue and have threatened selective lobotimization should he fail to comply.
Showing posts with label jose reyes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label jose reyes. Show all posts
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Monday, May 2, 2011
With Dying Breath, Bin Laden Predicts Mets to Win World Series
ABBOTTABAD (Bottom of the Fourth) - Last night, news broke that the U.S. military had conducted an operation that resulted in the killing of Al-Qaeda leader Osama Bin Laden. This afternoon we are receiving transcripts of the terrorist's final communication as he lay dying from gunshot wounds. With his last breath, Bin Laden reportedly whispered, "I think the New York Mets will... (cough) go all the way... and win the World Series."
Just prior, he had voiced his optimism about the team. "Beltran is back and playing well... Ike Davis is a monster... Chris Young has a sub-1 WHIP... and they're getting Santana back mid-season. They were smart to end the Brad Emaus experiment early... (gasp) he's a quad-A player..." It is unclear whether these thoughts were uttered with Bin Laden's second or third-last breath, or some combination thereof. Bottom of the Fourth is looking into several leads on this matter.
The Mets, for their part, were inspired by Bin Laden's prediction, and beat the division-rival Philadelphia Phillies in 14 innings in the weekly Sunday Night Baseball game. Shortstop José Reyes spoke to the media after the game. "I mean, the dude's a lunatic and a mass-murderer, but he obviously has very strong beliefs. If he believes in us, there's no reason we can't believe in ourselves. Sometimes we forget to do that."
Citizens of New York City are unsure how to feel about this confusing turn of events. New York, of course, was the site of the 9/11 terrorist attacks orchestrated by Bin Laden almost ten years ago, and some citizens feel that Bin Laden's last words were in mockery. Others think the terrorist feels a tinge of remorse at slaughtering thousands of innocent civilians, and was offering the city one final olive branch.
It is unclear at this time whether there is a pattern of which groups of people hold which interpretation, though it should be noted that the first group was primarily wearing Yankees hats, while the second was wearing Mets hats. Bottom of the Fourth is still working on establishing a connection between these facts.
Just prior, he had voiced his optimism about the team. "Beltran is back and playing well... Ike Davis is a monster... Chris Young has a sub-1 WHIP... and they're getting Santana back mid-season. They were smart to end the Brad Emaus experiment early... (gasp) he's a quad-A player..." It is unclear whether these thoughts were uttered with Bin Laden's second or third-last breath, or some combination thereof. Bottom of the Fourth is looking into several leads on this matter.
The Mets, for their part, were inspired by Bin Laden's prediction, and beat the division-rival Philadelphia Phillies in 14 innings in the weekly Sunday Night Baseball game. Shortstop José Reyes spoke to the media after the game. "I mean, the dude's a lunatic and a mass-murderer, but he obviously has very strong beliefs. If he believes in us, there's no reason we can't believe in ourselves. Sometimes we forget to do that."
Citizens of New York City are unsure how to feel about this confusing turn of events. New York, of course, was the site of the 9/11 terrorist attacks orchestrated by Bin Laden almost ten years ago, and some citizens feel that Bin Laden's last words were in mockery. Others think the terrorist feels a tinge of remorse at slaughtering thousands of innocent civilians, and was offering the city one final olive branch.
It is unclear at this time whether there is a pattern of which groups of people hold which interpretation, though it should be noted that the first group was primarily wearing Yankees hats, while the second was wearing Mets hats. Bottom of the Fourth is still working on establishing a connection between these facts.
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