Bases empty, two outs, a 3-1 game, #8 hitter up. Nothing comes down to this.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Right Fielders Threaten Strike Over Lack of Work

PHOENIX (Bottom of the Fourth) - Two and a half months is long enough. At least, so say Major League Baseball's right-fielders, who are threatening to strike over lack of work. With offense down across MLB and teams increasingly looking for ground-ball pitchers, right-fielders say they're simply "bored out of [their] friggin' minds".

Spokesman for the Union of Right-Fielders (URF) Justin Upton spoke to the media on Monday morning. "Well-met, good sir. Well, us chaps in the urf, see, we've amassed just a pip of ennui, see, lallygagging out there in the pitch, see. It's not more than a trifle, and I wouldn't care to beget a whole hullaballoo, but if the fellas down there on Wall Street threw us a few more bones, y'know, to catch, so to speak, well, that would just be cuter than a bug's ear."

MLB was dismissive of the right-fielders' complaints. "See, usually when unions threaten strikes over lack of work, they're really striking because they aren't getting paid," explained MLB spokesman Dan Kricke. "It seems the right-fielders fail to understand that they're still getting millions of dollars for standing there doing nothing."

Notably absent from the right-fielders' petition was Blue Jays star José Bautista. When asked why he wasn't supporting his right-field counterparts, Bautista responded "because I'm f&*%ing killing it this year."

The initiative of the right-fielders has propelled other groups to speak up and take action for their own causes. Third-base umpires have officially joined the right-fielder strike over concerns related to "boredom" (though it should be noted that since umpiring crews operate on a rotating basis, the Organization for Third-Base Umpires completely turns over its membership every day), while the AAAA Tweeners' Society is considering action "just as soon as we get the call".


  1. great stuff
    how about the closers from teams who always lose. They never get to play

  2. hmm, closers on shitty teams might actually might get lots of save opportunities because the games their team wins are only ever by 1 or 2 runs! maybe the bullpen catchers

  3. Might want to post this on batterbox.ca


    About 9-11 tweets down, KLaw talks about Tyler Beede not attending summer classes leading to the possibility of him signing with the Jays.

    Just thought you'd like to know.