Bases empty, two outs, a 3-1 game, #8 hitter up. Nothing comes down to this.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Halladay Balks at Balk Call, Opens Wormhole

PHILADELPHIA (Bottom of the Fourth) - Roy Halladay is not used to being penalized for an illegal pitching motion, being one of the most consistent and fastest-working pitchers in the game. So when the Phillies ace was called for a balk in a game Monday night against the St. Louis Cardinals, he was taken aback. So taken aback, in fact, that he balked at the call.

This sudden change in demeanour for Halladay was enough to make home plate umpire Jim Davidson balk in turn. "Halladay is like a robot," commented Davidson, "he never breaks rhythm. So when he balked at my balk call, it caused me to balk involuntarily."

Both teams could only watch in confusion and fascination as the pitcher and umpire engaged in this strange balk-off for more than 20 seconds. It only got stranger, though, as the balk energies collided halfway between the pitcher's mound and home plate, and spontaneously opened a wormhole.

Dr. Andrew Wakefield, Bottom of the Fourth's resident scientist, explained the phenomenon. "It's been theorized in the past that the bosons emitted from a balk carry enough energy to open a wormhole, but it takes two parties balking at each other to produce the interference necessary to open the wormhole, and this is the first experimental confirmation of the theory. It's a very exciting day for Balkology."

After a brief delay during which the Phillies' grounds crew attempted to clean up the wormhole only to be sucked into it (only to reappear in Busch Stadium's maintenance area, it was later discovered), the game resumed. The Phillies won 67-54 when it became clear that pitchers would have to lob their pitches over the wormhole to avoid the balls disappearing completely.

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