Bases empty, two outs, a 3-1 game, #8 hitter up. Nothing comes down to this.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Padres Change Nickname For Gender Equality

On Saturday, the San Diego Padres followed up their headline-making trade of star first baseman Adrian Gonzalez to the Boston Red Sox with another big piece of news. After being the Padres since the franchise's inception in 1969, the team will have a new nickname starting in 2011.

The change was motivated by Padres' lead owner Jeff Moorad's sudden interest in women's rights. "It's recently come to my attention that women are becoming more prominent in society," said Moorad. "They're doctors, lawyers, engineers... everything! They even get to vote. I think it's great." Moorad explained that the Padres "want to support the women's rights movement", and as a result are hereby changing their name to the San Diego Padres/Madres.

Moorad revealed the news at a press conference yesterday, at which he had been hoping to arrive in uniform to unveil the new team logo. Unfortunately, there had been some difficulty getting the uniform made in time. "Our logo designer doesn't know how to do slashes," explained Moorad. "He's only ever designed team logos before, and no team has ever had a slash in their nickname." The team is reportedly looking for a designer with experience outside sports-team-logo-design and will have their new logo ready before the new year.

Moorad did, however, bring an early-stage mock-up that he made himself. He said it was his "first crack at Photoshop" but thought it "turned out pretty good, actually".

Jeff Moorad shows off his Photoshop skills

Asked whether people will be confused by the new name and won't know what to call the team in casual conversation, Moorad compared the team to the YMCA. "People just call it the YMYWCA. No big deal! There will be a transition period, no doubt, but eventually people will just call us the Padresmadres out of habit."

Moorad hopes this decision will encourage other major league teams to follow in the Padres' footsteps, citing Baltimore (Orioles/Orielles), Cincinnati (Reds/Pinks), Colorado (Rockies/Rockettes) and San Francisco (Giants/Girl Giants) as particularly appropriate teams.

Stephanie Cruz, a representative from the San Diego chapter of the National Organization for Women, the largest feminist organization in the United States, seemed ambivalent to the move. "Um, there was nothing particularly sexist about the previous name. I mean, the team is comprised entirely of men, right? The nickname reflects that." Other members of NOW described the move as "pointless", "meh", and "what?".

Despite this lack of support from NOW, Moorad plans to go ahead with his gender equality plan. In fact, it isn't just the team's nickname that will change. At the concession stands, nachos will be referred to as nachos/nachas, and beer vendors will carry both beer and margaritas at all times. San Diego's mascot, the Swinging Friar, will be accompanied by a female counterpart. Finally, Moorad has plans to retrofit the stadium with matching women's change-rooms on both the home and away sides. The fact that this will eliminate the batting cages and video room has upset some players on the team, but none would agree to be quoted for fear of being labeled a chauvinist.


  1. How about the Baltimore Areolas?

  2. Haha, that's better. Although I might go for the Areolae. Always wanted to see a latin ending in sports.