In this feature, Bottom of the Fourth checks in with various MLB players to see what they're up to during the off-season. Today we spoke to Coco Crisp of the Oakland Athletics.
BotF: So Coco, I've gotta ask, why did you take to Craigslist to find a female live-in personal assistant?
Crisp: Well, near the end of the season Kevin Kouzmanoff (Crisp's A's teammate) got me into Craigslist. I'd never heard of it before, but there's so much good stuff!!!
BotF: Uh-huh, yeah, we're all familiar with the wonders of Craigslist. So what have you been up to besides patrolling random internet classifieds?
Crisp: That's pretty much it, actually. First I was just browsing, but I was too scared to actually contact anyone, because it's kinda weird, you know? But then I saw someone selling a green snuggie, and that was the only one missing from my collection. That first purchase was the gateway buy. I've been finding amazing deals on everything! Lamps, shower caps, condoms...
BotF: (pukes) You buy condoms off Craigslist? People actually put up ads for that?
Crisp: Yeah, can you believe people just throw their condoms away after one use? What happened to reduce, reuse, recycle? So I threw up an ad asking to buy them off people.
BotF: Wait, nobody was advertising their used condoms, so you... never mind. I don't want to talk about this anymore. So you've just been buying stuff off Craigslist all off-season?
Crisp: No, there's so much more to Craigslist than that! I browse the "gigs" section every day. I've auditioned for four bands, waited tables at two banquets and done voiceover work for something called "The Hotmale Inbox". And I put up "missed connection" ads all the time! Here's one I'm just about to post:
You were wearing a blue suit with like a tie that was like red or yellow or green or something. You're like 5'8" to 6'0", and I think you're a dude, I dunno, I was pretty far away, it was kinda hard to tell. You went into a bank.
BotF: Um, what are you trying to accomplish with this missed connection?
Crisp: I just want to let this dude know that I saw him!
BotF: Uh, I don't think you understand how... you know what, never mind.
Bottom of the Fourth would like to thank Coco Crisp for his time.